Laugh Quotes

* If you’re too open minded, your brains will fall out.

* Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.

* Going to church doesn’t make you a Christian any more than going to a garage
makes you a mechanic.

* Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

* If you must choose between two evils, pick the one you’ve never tried
before.

* My idea of housework is to sweep the room with a glance.

* Not one shred of evidence supports the notion that life is serious.

* It is easier to get forgiveness than permission.

* For every action, there is an equal and opposite government program.

* If you look like your passport picture, you probably need the trip.

* Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

* A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

* Eat well, stay fit, die anyway.

* Men are from earth. Women are from earth. Deal with it.

* No husband has ever been shot while doing the dishes.

* A balanced diet is a cookie in each hand.

* Middle age is when broadness of the mind and narrowness of the waist change
places.

* Opportunities always look bigger going than coming.

* Junk is something you’ve kept for years and throw away three weeks before
you need it.

* There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

* Experience is a wonderful thing. It enables you to recognize a mistake when
you make it again.

* By the time you can make ends meet, they move the ends.

* Thou shall not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

* Someone who thinks logically provides a nice contrast to the real world.

* Blessed are they who can laugh at themselves for they shall never cease to
be amused.

I was adopted, and the woman who raised me is also my aunt, my biological father’s sister. She used to beat me on the head with a broom stick, while calling me all sorts of names and her friends used to come over and laugh @ me, and they would tell her to send this piece of $hit home to his mother.I’m in my thirties now,and those memories haunt me till this day.Sometimes I want sweet revenge, sometimes I just go on with the hand I was dealt.She used to tell me that I would never amount to anything and often in my life these words resonate in my head. I was such a happy boy, I loved building things, I had a creative mind, she used to quote this verse in the bible “Thou shalt beat him with the rod, and deliver his soul from hell.”(Proverbs 23:13-14)and beat me she did, blood used to run down my legs, sometimes I couldn’t take a shower,I still see the marks on my back on my legs when I look for them. I used to ditch school so kids wouldn’t make fun of me. I tried to kill her when I was 9